Recognition
by andinify
Summary: Because sometimes, it took an almost-losing-and-dying moment to realize you love someone.


_**Disclaimer**__: Firstly, all credits of any recognizable lines or dialogues taken from the book go straight to the lovely Veronica Roth. I, unfortunately, do not own any of those aside from the idea of this short-fic and my imaginative brain._

_Secondly, I haven't read Divergent fanfiction much so, if any of you has ever come across the similar story as this one, I assure you, __**I don't intend**__ on copying other person's work at all. But I did read __**LolaBleu**__'s story—Passover, and it helped me to understand more how Tobias' mind worked during simulation. Thank you for you! :)_

_With no more ado, enjoy!_

_**Summary: **__Because sometimes it took an almost-dying and losing moment to realize you love someone.__Starts in Divergent, Chapter 34, page 426._

* * *

"No." I could feel my body shook with anger upon hearing Jeanine's plan: making me a puppet of her experiment, and executing Tris later. No way in hell. "I would rather die." I tried to keep my voice steady, yet failed miserably as it cracked at the end.

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," she said flatly.

If this were the last time I could ever see Tris, then there was no reason for me to not make the most out of it. Although deep down, I refused to accept the bitter truth. There must be some way out. it was just depend on me to figure it out as soon as possible. In one swift motion, I grabbed Tris' face and kissed her roughly, no longer caring if it hurt her or not. There wasn't much time, not that we knew about it. One of us could be taken at any moment.

The realization that I was in a room, with the brain of caused this chaos, and some fellow faction members I didn't bother to find out who, forced me to pull away. In a split second something popped up on my mind—not very effective but worth trying—and I charged forward. My hands made their way around Jeanine's throat, strangling her in the strongest hold I could manage.

I didn't even realize the guards' guns had been pointed at me if it weren't for Tris' scream pierced through the air.

Two pairs of hands pulled me back, and slammed my body to the ground. I stifled a grunt, didn't want to give them the satisfaction of making me suffer. One of them pinned me to the ground, his shoulder heaving painfully on my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Tris lunging forward, only to be blocked by another guard before she was shoved back against the wall. She grunted, her body slumped down in mere seconds.

_No, _I thought. _Please Tris, not now._

Her blood loss probably was the cause of the weakening of her body, and I couldn't blame her really.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jeanine, walking toward me with a needle and syringe filled with whatever simulation serum she had made. There was my last chance.

I elbowed one of the guards hard in his face. Still, not much. He hit the butt of his gun to the side of my head and the needle went in.

Darkness pulled me in.

* * *

It didn't take long, I just knew it. Less than a minute, I had come back to consciousness. But it took a little more time to adjust my blurry vision before I could make out the other figures in the room.

There was this one young lady, blond haired, with her sharp face line and a pair of rather-unforgiving eyes. But albeit that, the first thought that came to my mind was that she could be trusted.

And then there were some Dauntless guards who were helping me up, and some other who were holding _her._

Another blond girl, much smaller than the first one, younger than me. Probably in her late sixteen. The second I saw her, she reminded me so much of Tris it left me wondering, where was she now? Was she somewhere else? But something about this girl—okay scratch that—all these felt wrong. Because for all I knew, I knew nothing about my current surrounding yet something far in the back of my mind screamed that these all were something I should remember. And admittedly, the longer I thought about it, the more it seemed vaguely familiar to me. But also the headache following later also becoming more disturbing.

It gave me an ache, pounding and banging in my head, like something—anything up there wanted to be released, to be acknowledged, but I couldn't conjure why. I blinked, and focused my vision back on her. Yes, I definitely didn't know her.

"Tobias," her mouth moved, saying my names. I vaguely heard her soft voice, a very faint one I barely could hear it to be honest. "Tobias!"

She seemed to be saying it louder and firmer now, but my ears heard it otherwise. It seemed to be buzzing with something I didn't know. I couldn't hear properly, hence my vision was all I've got.

The Dauntless girl knew my real name—which was my deepest secret. It replaced the confusion I felt earlier into anger, because no one should ever know about that. I saw the older blonde said something to her, that somehow sounded like, "He knows you."

No, I didn't. Who could she be? Why would I want to know her?

There came the pounding in my head again. Very faint, barely noticeable. But it was there, and I knew it wasn't just my hallucination. I looked over my shoulder and stared at the girl, suddenly felt hate and resentment rising up in me. Without thinking, my feet took long strides toward her, and my fingers soon wrapped around her throat.

She choked, and soon her face turned red as my hands kept squeezing as hard as I could. She was a traitor. A traitor was unforgivable. She had to be dead.

Again, I saw the first blonde's mouth moved as if she was saying something, yet the buzzing in my ears didn't seem to be vanished in anytime soon.

Before I could try to comprehend of what she said, a guard had pulled me off of her. The girl gasped for air, holding her throat as she stared at me in pure horror.

The one older blonde, who seemed to be the authoritive one proceeded on her talking, while me here kept tilting my head aside trying to figure out why my hearing wasn't functioning. And _her. _The petite girl she was talking to. It seemed like I was familiar with her, in a way I didn't know. The former then looked back at me and the guards who were holding me back from lunging forward again.

Her hand made a gesture of dismissal towards me, then clasped her hands in front of her chest with a mischievous glint in her eyes I found it odd. She turned towards the girl, and said something before she waved another dismissal.

The guards dragged her out first before leading me through another door. Whatever happened in there got me thinking, what was really happening?

My ears began to stop buzzing, right when the remaining blonde turned towards me. "Four, I take it you know something about computers right? Now I want you, to go to the Dauntless control room, and see what you can do with the simulation system there. Stop it, if you can. The guards here will escort you there, and don't let anyone get in your way. I've got things to handle here, I have to rely on you. Understand?"

I nodded, and in no time, I'd been escorted to a shiny silver car, with three Dauntless guards following. It seemed weird to me. Why did I need ot be escorted? I knew the Dauntless compound like the back of my hand, there shouldn't be any guards around me. I could handle a gun. Fight was my specialty too.

But I kept the thought in my mind and stared blankly outside, to the buildings passed by. Faintly, I heard gunshots. And screaming. And silently, I prayed that I could get in time to do whatever I could to stop all of this.

Because in a way, my entire city relied on me.

* * *

The Control room was dark and glum. The wall across the room was made up by screens that covered the entire wall. Each one of them showed me different kinds of situation in the city. I watched as the chaos down there kept raging on. I tried to look for something I could do, but my mind was rather numb. It didn't know how to comprehend exactly whatever it was in front of my eyes.

Then my gaze locked on a screen with codes flowing through it. I sat in front of it, and typed out what I thought would work. The codes flown faster, and I kept doing it without knowing how long it had been. Yet still, the chaos didn't stop. It kept going on and on and my inside began to churn with dread.

I kept trying. Flipping through books of manual scattered on the desk nearby, reading whatever might possibly helped. I typed all sorts of commands I knew for God-knew-how-long, but stopped eventually. The codes flown themselves through the screen, and it seemed like whatever I was doing was futile.

The door suddenly thrown open, and I turned around in an instant.

The Dauntless traitor girl who was with me in Abnegation room again. She was holding a gun, and I narrowed my eyes. She wasn't like the type of girl who would hold a gun so fiercely that way. Let alone to be the one who was sent to stop me breaking into the simulation.

Her mouth formed something as the buzzing in my ears came back.

"Drop your weapon," I said. My hand blindly searched for the gun I kept tucked securely in my waist—the one those guards gave me when I arrived here.

She said something again, more desperately now. "Drop your weapon," I repeated firmly. "Or I'll fire." My finger was on the trigger, and it only took one pull to kill her.

But the thought didn't sit well with me. She was probably under the simulation as well, the same one that was controlling those Dauntless people down in the Abnegation city.

I looked over behind her, and saw no one coming. It's odd, really. I thought if they knew I was going to stop this simulation, they should have sent more guards. Would be easier.

After a few moments of deafening silence, she dropped the gun. But it didn't end right there. Without a warning, she lunged forward, grabbing my wrist roughly. I pulled the trigger automatically, yet she ducked right in time the bullet missed her head in a good distance. She kicked me—hard—on my ribs, and twisted my wrist she was still holding on to until I dropped the gun.

There was no way I would be defeated in fight by a girl. By Tris, perhaps, but well, this wasn't Tris. The thought was painful enough I pushed it as far as possible.

She reached for the gun I dropped, but I wouldn't give her the chance. My hand circled hers and I shoved her before my fist made contact with her jaw.

This girl was strong, I had to admit that. She could not be easily defeated, and if the circumstances were different I would have probably stared in awe at her. There weren't many girls as small as she was that could stand me in a fight almost equally.

Eventually, I got a hold on her hair and yanked her to her side. She tried to reach for my hand again, but I'd learned the move and anticipated that beforehand. Her head smacked into the wall, but surprisingly she didn't even flinch.

"Tobias,"

My grip faltered. The voice, that I recognized. Slipping among the loud buzz in my ears, I could hear it. Tris' voice.

Stupid distraction. The girl managed to free herself from my grasp, and she dove for the gun. Merely in seconds, the gun was pointed straight on me.

She seemed to say something, but this time, the voice didn't make it through the buzzing in my ears. Tears started to stream down her face it made me more confused than ever. She was holding the gun that might as well end my life soon, but she was the one who _cried_?

I made my way toward her. I faltered, and she got her chance. Now she was distracted—by whatever it was I didn't care—and this was mine. My chance. Her gaze met mine, and for a second she looked pained. And the next thing I knew, she had pressed the gun into my palm. I grabbed it as fast as I could without thinking of why would she ever surrender, and pressed it against her forehead.

But then she rested her hands on my chest, right where my heart should be, and it made my adrenaline run faster than before. There was something familiar with all this.

No, I couldn't let her distract me once more. The bullet clicked into the chamber, and I braced myself.

I couldn't.

Not only because all this felt extremely confusing and odd and strange, but also because I couldn't shoot someone that was so willing like this. She looked up, seemed as confused as I was. "Tobias, it's me."

My vision's peripheral started to blur. Circle of black surrounding my gaze as her voice—stronger than before managed to push past the loud buzz that remained. The girl stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around my waist the gesture shocked the life out of me.

It was black for a split second. But it wasn't a blackout. I was very much conscious, but I couldn't see anything. And as my vision came back, I saw _her_.

Tris, with the gun I was holding, pointed right at her temple. Horrified, I let the gun dropped to the floor. In one swift motion, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her against me. "Tris," I breathed, feeling more relieved than I ever felt.

The next second my lips were on hers. Then my hands around her as I lifted her off the ground. I didn't care of anything but her, and holding her right now—ensured that she was safe in my arms was what I needed in a moment like this.

After what felt like an eternity but still wasn't enough, I let her go. My eyes roamed over her features along with my fingers. Brushed over her forehead, her brows, her delicate cheeks, and finally—her lips.

A sob escaped her and I could not fight the urge to kiss her again.

I almost killed her. Could have ended her life seconds ago. Tears stung my eyes as it all dawned on me, and it took everything in me to not cry again the way I used to when Marcus hit me years ago.

Tris nuzzled back against my chest, crying to my shirt. "How did you do it?" She choked between her sobs.

"I don't know," I blurted out without thinking, because really, I didn't. "I just heard your voice."

* * *

As I held Tris in my arms, I thought of all that had happened today. How I almost lost Tris in Jeanine's hand, then mine, the thought made me hard to breathe. I couldn't imagine losing her, it would be as good as dying myself.

"My parents," She whispered, her voice quivered. "They died today."

I knew sometimes people just needed to be listened, so that's what I did. I listened to her.

"They died for _me_,"

"They loved you," was what I finally said. It's true. Tris was so lucky to have a mother and father like hers, unlike mine. "To them there was no better way to show you."

Her head tipped into a nod, eyes didn't quite meet mine though.

Then something popped up on my mind—the question the simulated version of me thought of earlier. "You nearly died today. I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me, Tris?"

It didn't take long for her to answer. "I couldn't do that," she paused. "It would have been like shooting myself."

A pang of hurt hit my chest painfully as I leaned closer to her. I had to say this. It's now or never. In a crumbling-down city like this, none of us knew how much time we had. "I have something to tell you," I breathed, my lips skimmed over hers briefly as I spoke.

She looked at me expectantly. I braced myself before finally brought myself to say, "I might be in love with you."

There, I said it. It felt good, and I couldn't fight the urge to smile. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though." I added.

A smile stretched across her lips. "That's sensible of you." Her eyes glinting with the pure light of Tris I knew. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."

I laughed. It became clearer now, there's no wonder why I fell for this girl.

"Maybe I'm already sure," I told her after thinking for a moment. "And I just don't want to frighten you."

Her laughter now echoed softly in my ears. "Then you should know better."

"Fine." I smiled even wider, "Then I love you."

* * *

_My very first try on Divergent fanfiction! Yes, I've written some before, but not here. I want to try something that's out of my comfort zone (Gadge pairing/The Hunger Games fandom) and now here I am. And I'm not a native English speaker so pardon my mistakes either in the choices of vocabulary or grammar. I'm still no expert on those._

_**P.S.: **__This was harder than I ever thought. The hardest thing I have ever written in my entire life. Tobias wouldn't be so hard to write if it weren't for the stimulations-_- it took me plenty of re-reading the explanation part in Insurgent over and over again to understand it._

_Any feedback would be highly appreciated, by the way :)_


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